Post by Hi on Dec 21, 2009 18:21:55 GMT -5
Hi, this is a story I wrote. I am seeking publication in Writers Depository and want only $400 for my piece. Er, my work. My "piece" is priceless, believe me.
I, Kontoy Neurba, an award-winning journalist attempted to interview Barack Obama regarding the controversial new healthcare reform plan. Unfortunately, every time I dialed the White house phone number (202-456-1111) I received a recording. My messages were never returned. Hence, I cannot help but feel slighted by the Obama administration since they purposely disregard the rights of the press and do not give us a voice. In my mind they are no better than Communist China. Hey, what a coincidence—Barrack was in China this past week! I wonder what he was talking about. CENSORSHIP maybe?
I imagine the president was not available for an interview because he was busy collaborating with other Democrats on printing out an $849 billion dollar invoice for healthcare reform. This is perhaps the democratic senate’s most impressive achievement yet, considering that over the next ten years it will reduce the deficit by a whopping $127 billion dollars. Of course, that’s not an investment that a Texas Oil Republican could approve of, considering that it’s a $722 billion dollar short-term loss, and one that only benefits millions of uninsured Americans, or what Republicans call, litter. Naturally, the Democrats have a long-term plan—a $650 billion reduction of the deficit to take place in the following decade, twenty years from now, when most of us following this coverage story will be dead.
Barack Obama certainly has his work cut out for him, from working on this healthcare reform plan, to overseeing his administration’s handling of the trials of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the Martyrs, who after their New York civil trial, are rumored to be signing a developmental contract with a production company. Civilian assassination issues aside, terrorist reality shows are “in” and the entertainment industry is characteristically desperate to acquiesce to Islamic audiences. After all, anyone who is still willing to pay for American entertainment is still welcome in America. Luckily, there are people overseas who hate American culture but still respect the principle of paying for crappy entertainment. I hope OVGuide takes this to heart.
As if Obama weren’t being taxed enough, he is now circling the globe attempting to improve diplomatic relations between America and the rest of the world, most recently paying a visit to Communist China. According to Google News, www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hitISYixOv_DC0ABZeYzc6dg2BDAD9C0TV881 most of what Obama said wasn’t even broadcast in China. Obama has been deemed too sexy for Chinese television. With the way conservative America is pouncing upon his every move, it may only be a matter of time before he is likewise banned on American TV. The networks could certainly rationalize the decision: would the average American viewer age 18-35 rather watch another public address about universal healthcare or would they rather see Charlie Harper score with Chelsea on Two and a Half Men? Come on now, the average American male can relate to sex with the ex-wife. How can he possibly relate to all those respectable middle class families losing their $13,400 healthcare plan in favor of drive-through medical care?
Obama’s face is quickly becoming TV-MA. In fact, it seems awfully hard for any TV star that’s not young, white and beautiful to get a TV-G or TV-PG rating. And a full head of hair. Sorry, Larry.
Obama’s excellent diplomatic adventure is coinciding with the release of the latest Corruption Perceptions Index report.globalintegrity.org/ for 2009. Since 1995 Transparency International has published an annual “Corruption Perceptions Index” (CPI) that ranks the countries of the world according to “the degree to which corruption is perceived to exist among public officials and politicians.”
“This is the definite ‘it list’ when it comes to corruption,” says Dale Saurus, an expert on global analysis and research. “Anyone who’s corrupt in this day and age has to be on the list. Otherwise, they’re not a major player on the world scene.”
The Corruption Perceptions Index ranked 133 countries and not surprisingly, Somalia slaughtered the competition (so to speak) coming in last place as the most corrupt country worldwide. Impressive results for a country that barely has a functioning government. “The idea that Somalia could compete in terms of total corruption with power players like China, Chad and Iraq, even with half a functioning government says a lot about their integrity. Well, maybe integrity’s not the right word. Let’s say their fortitude.”
The continent of Africa, or as our Subversify expert calls it, “the CPI East” consists of 47 countries, and 31 of those countries reached the level of “rampant corruption” with only 13 being ranked “a serious challenge.” Africa looked poised to take on the title of the most corrupt continent in the world, though next season it will face tough competition from China and rising star Mexico. Unfortunately, recent showings of countries like Botswana, Mauritius and Cape Verde are holding back Africa from total corruption, since they ranked #37, #42 and 46, respectively.
Saurus continues, “Liberia is turning a lot of heads this season thanks to their star president Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, who saw the country rise from a dismal 138th place to a much more promising #97 this year. Their corruption even out-performed former corruption giants like Argentina and Indonesia.
Iraq has been suffering because of its leaders being largely “out of action” but it still retains a spot on the bottom 10. What can we expect of Iraq in the coming season? Iraq doesn’t have much defense or offense, for that matter, and there remains a great deal of animosity within the developing parliamentary republic. Jalal Talabani has been hired to take on the challenge of bringing Iraq to the top of the game, though he has been closely scrutinized by the media being the first non-Arab president of the country. Can he take the firepower or will he have to resign before any leeway can be made to restoring corruption back in Baghdad?
Finally, we have the United States of America, home of the freed slaves and land of the beautiful. The U.S.A continues to be a disappointment in terms of total corruption, only coming at #19, which is bad, or good, in this context. While some believe the U.S. is always a disappointment when it comes to corruption (after all, sleeping your way to the top and rubbing out squealers through third-degree murder is nothing compared to a political party change by firing squad) many pundits are surprised the CPI North American West didn’t aim higher this season, especially given President Barack Obama’s ascension to power.
We asked our expert what’s up with America’s slacking. “Those goddamned liberals are screwing up the system,” he yelled over the phone. “In order to determine the accuracy of these rankings, you have to first consider who is calling who corrupt. The goddamned Democrats are removing the oil men from power and stealing the assets of the rich. Now all the capitalists are forcing their defective products on us and countersuing us all to oblivion. Of course with nothing but poor people who are finally getting free health care for all their bastard children creating these polls the rankings are biased and untrustworthy!”
So he is basically saying Obama is like the Robin Hood of the world scene, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor—and the poor in turn just blow the money giving it right back to government?
“Sort of. I mean Obama was great in his time. The first 30 days or so in the White House was a real dynasty. It was nice seeing all those black people around the white house, sort of like the movie Head of State with Chris Rock but funny. Anyway, the past is the past. Obama’s administration has failed and it’s time for the Democratic Party owner to get rid of this nominee and start fresh.”
Apparently our CPI expert wasn’t aware that the democrats had no single owner. When confront regarding his bogus coverage of the CPI results, he reiterated that he was an NFL commentator not really qualified to cover world politics. Still, he wanted to say that he liked Liberia’s chances of winning next year, whatever that means.
I, Kontoy Neurba, an award-winning journalist attempted to interview Barack Obama regarding the controversial new healthcare reform plan. Unfortunately, every time I dialed the White house phone number (202-456-1111) I received a recording. My messages were never returned. Hence, I cannot help but feel slighted by the Obama administration since they purposely disregard the rights of the press and do not give us a voice. In my mind they are no better than Communist China. Hey, what a coincidence—Barrack was in China this past week! I wonder what he was talking about. CENSORSHIP maybe?
I imagine the president was not available for an interview because he was busy collaborating with other Democrats on printing out an $849 billion dollar invoice for healthcare reform. This is perhaps the democratic senate’s most impressive achievement yet, considering that over the next ten years it will reduce the deficit by a whopping $127 billion dollars. Of course, that’s not an investment that a Texas Oil Republican could approve of, considering that it’s a $722 billion dollar short-term loss, and one that only benefits millions of uninsured Americans, or what Republicans call, litter. Naturally, the Democrats have a long-term plan—a $650 billion reduction of the deficit to take place in the following decade, twenty years from now, when most of us following this coverage story will be dead.
Barack Obama certainly has his work cut out for him, from working on this healthcare reform plan, to overseeing his administration’s handling of the trials of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the Martyrs, who after their New York civil trial, are rumored to be signing a developmental contract with a production company. Civilian assassination issues aside, terrorist reality shows are “in” and the entertainment industry is characteristically desperate to acquiesce to Islamic audiences. After all, anyone who is still willing to pay for American entertainment is still welcome in America. Luckily, there are people overseas who hate American culture but still respect the principle of paying for crappy entertainment. I hope OVGuide takes this to heart.
As if Obama weren’t being taxed enough, he is now circling the globe attempting to improve diplomatic relations between America and the rest of the world, most recently paying a visit to Communist China. According to Google News, www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hitISYixOv_DC0ABZeYzc6dg2BDAD9C0TV881 most of what Obama said wasn’t even broadcast in China. Obama has been deemed too sexy for Chinese television. With the way conservative America is pouncing upon his every move, it may only be a matter of time before he is likewise banned on American TV. The networks could certainly rationalize the decision: would the average American viewer age 18-35 rather watch another public address about universal healthcare or would they rather see Charlie Harper score with Chelsea on Two and a Half Men? Come on now, the average American male can relate to sex with the ex-wife. How can he possibly relate to all those respectable middle class families losing their $13,400 healthcare plan in favor of drive-through medical care?
Obama’s face is quickly becoming TV-MA. In fact, it seems awfully hard for any TV star that’s not young, white and beautiful to get a TV-G or TV-PG rating. And a full head of hair. Sorry, Larry.
Obama’s excellent diplomatic adventure is coinciding with the release of the latest Corruption Perceptions Index report.globalintegrity.org/ for 2009. Since 1995 Transparency International has published an annual “Corruption Perceptions Index” (CPI) that ranks the countries of the world according to “the degree to which corruption is perceived to exist among public officials and politicians.”
“This is the definite ‘it list’ when it comes to corruption,” says Dale Saurus, an expert on global analysis and research. “Anyone who’s corrupt in this day and age has to be on the list. Otherwise, they’re not a major player on the world scene.”
The Corruption Perceptions Index ranked 133 countries and not surprisingly, Somalia slaughtered the competition (so to speak) coming in last place as the most corrupt country worldwide. Impressive results for a country that barely has a functioning government. “The idea that Somalia could compete in terms of total corruption with power players like China, Chad and Iraq, even with half a functioning government says a lot about their integrity. Well, maybe integrity’s not the right word. Let’s say their fortitude.”
The continent of Africa, or as our Subversify expert calls it, “the CPI East” consists of 47 countries, and 31 of those countries reached the level of “rampant corruption” with only 13 being ranked “a serious challenge.” Africa looked poised to take on the title of the most corrupt continent in the world, though next season it will face tough competition from China and rising star Mexico. Unfortunately, recent showings of countries like Botswana, Mauritius and Cape Verde are holding back Africa from total corruption, since they ranked #37, #42 and 46, respectively.
Saurus continues, “Liberia is turning a lot of heads this season thanks to their star president Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, who saw the country rise from a dismal 138th place to a much more promising #97 this year. Their corruption even out-performed former corruption giants like Argentina and Indonesia.
Iraq has been suffering because of its leaders being largely “out of action” but it still retains a spot on the bottom 10. What can we expect of Iraq in the coming season? Iraq doesn’t have much defense or offense, for that matter, and there remains a great deal of animosity within the developing parliamentary republic. Jalal Talabani has been hired to take on the challenge of bringing Iraq to the top of the game, though he has been closely scrutinized by the media being the first non-Arab president of the country. Can he take the firepower or will he have to resign before any leeway can be made to restoring corruption back in Baghdad?
Finally, we have the United States of America, home of the freed slaves and land of the beautiful. The U.S.A continues to be a disappointment in terms of total corruption, only coming at #19, which is bad, or good, in this context. While some believe the U.S. is always a disappointment when it comes to corruption (after all, sleeping your way to the top and rubbing out squealers through third-degree murder is nothing compared to a political party change by firing squad) many pundits are surprised the CPI North American West didn’t aim higher this season, especially given President Barack Obama’s ascension to power.
We asked our expert what’s up with America’s slacking. “Those goddamned liberals are screwing up the system,” he yelled over the phone. “In order to determine the accuracy of these rankings, you have to first consider who is calling who corrupt. The goddamned Democrats are removing the oil men from power and stealing the assets of the rich. Now all the capitalists are forcing their defective products on us and countersuing us all to oblivion. Of course with nothing but poor people who are finally getting free health care for all their bastard children creating these polls the rankings are biased and untrustworthy!”
So he is basically saying Obama is like the Robin Hood of the world scene, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor—and the poor in turn just blow the money giving it right back to government?
“Sort of. I mean Obama was great in his time. The first 30 days or so in the White House was a real dynasty. It was nice seeing all those black people around the white house, sort of like the movie Head of State with Chris Rock but funny. Anyway, the past is the past. Obama’s administration has failed and it’s time for the Democratic Party owner to get rid of this nominee and start fresh.”
Apparently our CPI expert wasn’t aware that the democrats had no single owner. When confront regarding his bogus coverage of the CPI results, he reiterated that he was an NFL commentator not really qualified to cover world politics. Still, he wanted to say that he liked Liberia’s chances of winning next year, whatever that means.