Post by Sergio Impleton on Apr 16, 2008 4:41:37 GMT -5
I was politely invited by the dispenser of joy and enthusiasm; our own misconstrued fountain of information, Melanie; to write something. No indication as to what it should be about, but I believe “funny and positive” were the words she used. Otherwise, I’d be fired. There is nothing positive or funny about being fired from the bottom rungs of a staff that does kamikaze flights into each other’s positions over $1.50 per five hundred words articles. My twelve year old son is making more money than I am by buying candy bars at Costco’s by the box and selling them at school. For the love of George Washington, I will commit myself to an inspiring and uplifting blog. In case none of you caught the sarcasm, that was supposed to be funny.
There can’t be anyone more inspiring than Tom Callin. Although I haven’t seen a single article written by him, you can just tell that if you don’t agree with his dazzling display of enthusiasm, he’ll club you over the head with a baseball bat. That can be pretty inspiring. It inspired me enough to write twenty SEO friendly articles on lady’s panty hose in eight hours. Sure, it gave me a perspective of what rough hands and hairy legs can do to that skinny little fabric, as well as some strange sensations in parts I hadn’t thought about since the first time I saw my wife on the toilet, but I couldn’t help wondering, why wasn’t the assignment given to Melanie? Somehow, ladies under garments had fallen within my field of expertise.
I’m beginning to wonder just what rationale is used by the great brains upstairs to determine fields of expertise. It sounds rather flattering doesn’t it? “It comes to our attention that the following jobs fall under your field of expertise.” If your expertise is sports, you’re required to write about knitting conventions. We have a writer one our staff who is from India, although all I’ve seen him do so far is eat. Still, when a request came in for coverage of the Sankranti harvest festival, who received the assignment? Debbie Rentals whose main coverage concerned a wrap around skirt she’d bought and one of those jackets with the shiny little mirrors all over it. In the meantime, Aaradhaya received an assignment for hot dogs, which wouldn’t have been too bad if it his article had not included the quartering and dicing of German Shepards. My latest job offer was in producing a financial report for a real estate agency. I was a little surprised after looking over the criteria. It was the kind of work usually handed over to an accountant, but after a little reflection, it made sense. An online report for a real estate company probably does take a bit of creative writing.
I think I’ve come to the part where I’m supposed to be thanking everyone for the great job they’ve done in making our company work (for fifty cents an hour). I would like to thank Kingsley for maintaining such traditional earmarks of progressive publishing commitments as sexual exploitation and the gurgling expletives of the rose garden crowd. I’m sure everyone is looking forward as much as I am to the topic of the upcoming magazine issue: “Housewives Gone Wild: A Look Behind Dishpan Hands”. I’d also like to thank Spaceship for contributing the most unintelligible barrage of strung together words I’ve ever seen in my life, and Aaradhaya for not eating the donuts off my desk this morning when I left to get more coffee.
Now that I’ve finished a blog, do I get a cut out of the fourteen cents we’ve made so far off advertising?
- Sergio Impleton
There can’t be anyone more inspiring than Tom Callin. Although I haven’t seen a single article written by him, you can just tell that if you don’t agree with his dazzling display of enthusiasm, he’ll club you over the head with a baseball bat. That can be pretty inspiring. It inspired me enough to write twenty SEO friendly articles on lady’s panty hose in eight hours. Sure, it gave me a perspective of what rough hands and hairy legs can do to that skinny little fabric, as well as some strange sensations in parts I hadn’t thought about since the first time I saw my wife on the toilet, but I couldn’t help wondering, why wasn’t the assignment given to Melanie? Somehow, ladies under garments had fallen within my field of expertise.
I’m beginning to wonder just what rationale is used by the great brains upstairs to determine fields of expertise. It sounds rather flattering doesn’t it? “It comes to our attention that the following jobs fall under your field of expertise.” If your expertise is sports, you’re required to write about knitting conventions. We have a writer one our staff who is from India, although all I’ve seen him do so far is eat. Still, when a request came in for coverage of the Sankranti harvest festival, who received the assignment? Debbie Rentals whose main coverage concerned a wrap around skirt she’d bought and one of those jackets with the shiny little mirrors all over it. In the meantime, Aaradhaya received an assignment for hot dogs, which wouldn’t have been too bad if it his article had not included the quartering and dicing of German Shepards. My latest job offer was in producing a financial report for a real estate agency. I was a little surprised after looking over the criteria. It was the kind of work usually handed over to an accountant, but after a little reflection, it made sense. An online report for a real estate company probably does take a bit of creative writing.
I think I’ve come to the part where I’m supposed to be thanking everyone for the great job they’ve done in making our company work (for fifty cents an hour). I would like to thank Kingsley for maintaining such traditional earmarks of progressive publishing commitments as sexual exploitation and the gurgling expletives of the rose garden crowd. I’m sure everyone is looking forward as much as I am to the topic of the upcoming magazine issue: “Housewives Gone Wild: A Look Behind Dishpan Hands”. I’d also like to thank Spaceship for contributing the most unintelligible barrage of strung together words I’ve ever seen in my life, and Aaradhaya for not eating the donuts off my desk this morning when I left to get more coffee.
Now that I’ve finished a blog, do I get a cut out of the fourteen cents we’ve made so far off advertising?
- Sergio Impleton