Post by James Ivan Kingsley on Apr 16, 2008 4:03:23 GMT -5
Tribute to Red Skeleton
September 17 marks the tenth anniversary commemorating the death of one of the greatest comedians on television. That’s what my mother said anyway, and mothers are usually right about everything except fashion. They are the worst fashion statements in the Universe, with their frizzy hair that always needs a new color touch up as the grey is showing through at the roots, dresses that were popular ten years ago but no one in their right mind would be caught dead in today (or caught alive for that matter) and always, always wearing their outfits just a little over-sized to hide their flabby tummies. You’d think designers would make a line of mature clothing with extra tummy space so mothers didn’t have to wear garments with shoulder seams that came down to their elbows and pants that need six inches cut off the bottom to fit. Anyway, that’s getting away from the subject here.
The subject is Red Skeleton, the master comedian. My mother says he was one of the kindest men alive. I didn’t know a whole lot about him, so I looked him up on the Internet. I’m actually wondering just how kind he really was. The article said he spent a lot of time cheering up kids who had cancer and other kinds of terrible diseases. That sounds like a very nice thing to do, but let’s take a reality check here. Seriously, folk. Picture yourself as a scared little kid in a children’s hospital. How much would it really cheer you up if you were told someone named Red Skeleton was coming to visit you? I know what I’d say; “I”ll take my chemo-therapy first!” The only image I’d be able to think of would be a long black coat and a scythe. Wouldn’t a name like that be better suited to horror movies? “Red Skeleton Meets the Mommy”. A title like that would bring horror fans clustering to the theaters for miles.
There was even a book about him that proves how much he liked to creep people; “Seeing Red: the Skeleton in Hollywood’s Closet”. I’m almost afraid to think about what that might mean; certainly nothing that’s suitable for children. How would you explain it? “Mommy there’s a red skeleton in my closet!” “Oh, don’t worry dear, it’s just your daddy. He’s still undecided.” If it was a kindness to show children a red skeleton in a closet back in my mother’s day, no wonder her hair is frizzy. I think closets should remain just the way the are; a place where all the liberals hide.
The good news is he did donate a lot of money to children’s charity; especially hospitals. I’m glad to hear that. If you’re going to scare someone half to death with your name, you might as well pay for their recovery. My best advice for parents who are sensitive to the tender feelings of their kids is; if don’t want the waking up in the middle of the night screaming about Willie Thump Thump and you’d like to see them live to a ripe old age, pay attention to what they watch on television.
-Contributed by Melanie Noeth
September 17 marks the tenth anniversary commemorating the death of one of the greatest comedians on television. That’s what my mother said anyway, and mothers are usually right about everything except fashion. They are the worst fashion statements in the Universe, with their frizzy hair that always needs a new color touch up as the grey is showing through at the roots, dresses that were popular ten years ago but no one in their right mind would be caught dead in today (or caught alive for that matter) and always, always wearing their outfits just a little over-sized to hide their flabby tummies. You’d think designers would make a line of mature clothing with extra tummy space so mothers didn’t have to wear garments with shoulder seams that came down to their elbows and pants that need six inches cut off the bottom to fit. Anyway, that’s getting away from the subject here.
The subject is Red Skeleton, the master comedian. My mother says he was one of the kindest men alive. I didn’t know a whole lot about him, so I looked him up on the Internet. I’m actually wondering just how kind he really was. The article said he spent a lot of time cheering up kids who had cancer and other kinds of terrible diseases. That sounds like a very nice thing to do, but let’s take a reality check here. Seriously, folk. Picture yourself as a scared little kid in a children’s hospital. How much would it really cheer you up if you were told someone named Red Skeleton was coming to visit you? I know what I’d say; “I”ll take my chemo-therapy first!” The only image I’d be able to think of would be a long black coat and a scythe. Wouldn’t a name like that be better suited to horror movies? “Red Skeleton Meets the Mommy”. A title like that would bring horror fans clustering to the theaters for miles.
There was even a book about him that proves how much he liked to creep people; “Seeing Red: the Skeleton in Hollywood’s Closet”. I’m almost afraid to think about what that might mean; certainly nothing that’s suitable for children. How would you explain it? “Mommy there’s a red skeleton in my closet!” “Oh, don’t worry dear, it’s just your daddy. He’s still undecided.” If it was a kindness to show children a red skeleton in a closet back in my mother’s day, no wonder her hair is frizzy. I think closets should remain just the way the are; a place where all the liberals hide.
The good news is he did donate a lot of money to children’s charity; especially hospitals. I’m glad to hear that. If you’re going to scare someone half to death with your name, you might as well pay for their recovery. My best advice for parents who are sensitive to the tender feelings of their kids is; if don’t want the waking up in the middle of the night screaming about Willie Thump Thump and you’d like to see them live to a ripe old age, pay attention to what they watch on television.
-Contributed by Melanie Noeth